We Locked the Doors. He Still Got Out
Why This Is Hard to Understand
I was recently talking to another mom about elopement issues, and during our conversation I realized something. Unless you have a child, or really any family member, with special needs—medical, developmental, or both, it is very hard to relate to those of us who do.
It Happens More Than You Think
This mom shared a situation where her child had eloped, gotten outside without her knowledge, and someone ended up calling the police. The thing is, this happens more often than people think. You can try every option and every strategy, but children, especially these children, are resilient and curious. They will find a way.
We Have Tried Everything
In one of my prior posts, I included a list of everything we have tried to keep Noah safe. We put up locks, and he learns how to open them. We get a GPS, and he learns how to take it off. Noah is 15 and has only recently, within the last year, started letting us know when he is going outside. This was not for lack of trying on our part.
It Is Not Bad Parenting
What we can do better as parents and educators is help others understand that these situations happen, and that the child does not grasp the consequences of their actions. In many cases, they cannot even tell you their phone number or their parents’ names.
I have tried labels and watches, but due to sensory issues, Noah does not tolerate them well. It becomes more of a challenge for him to remove them than to wear them.
Noah will still run into the middle of a road or parking lot. We have taught him to stop and look both ways. We have explained the dangers. He thinks he is being funny. He truly does not understand that he could get hit, end up in the hospital, or worse.
This is not bad parenting. This is reality.
The Day Noah Took a Walk
Years ago, when Noah was about four, he opened the garage door—something I did not even realize he could do, and went for a walk around the neighborhood. I was upstairs trying to get his younger sister in the shower.
A mother and her son happened to see him. She sent her son to our door to alert us, while she followed Noah from a distance so she would not scare him but could keep him safe.
I tried to find her afterward to thank her, but I never could. To this day, I believe she was a guardian angel. Meanwhile, Noah was strolling barefoot through the neighborhood without a single concern in the world.
It scared me to death and also made one thing very clear, we needed another lock on that garage door.
Living With Extra Precautions
His siblings do not know anything different. They have always locked doors behind them to protect their brother. But it took that moment for me to realize just how many extra precautions were needed.
What Can We Do?
Make others aware.
Education matters.
Use your community.
When I first moved into our neighborhood, I shared a picture of Noah on the community Facebook page along with my phone number. I explained that he is a wanderer with limited communication skills and asked neighbors to contact me immediately if they ever saw him alone. I also shared our address.
To this day, people know Noah. They speak to him. And that gives me some peace of mind.
Post a sign.
One of our neighbors has a child with autism and posted a sign indicating there is a child with special needs in the home. It may not be perfect, but it helps create awareness, especially for drivers and people passing by.
Share your stories.
The more we talk about these experiences, the more others begin to understand what can happen and why.
Final Thoughts
You cannot control how others respond. Some people will judge out of ignorance or lack of understanding. It is what it is. But many others are willing to learn, they just do not know where to start.
If you know someone who could benefit from this or needs ideas, please share this post with them. And do not forget to follow us on Facebook and the blog for more of life with Noah.
