Noah Discovers the Bidet

It does not happen often, but every once in a while, Noah and I share a moment so funny it feels like a reward for all the less glamorous parts of parenting.

Over New Year’s weekend, our family stayed with friends in North Carolina. Ruel is one of those people who owns every gadget ever invented. Electric salt and pepper grinders. Coffee foamers. Air purifiers in every room. If there is a button that does something unnecessary but impressive, Ruel owns it.

Which brings us to the bidet.

This weekend, Noah had his very first bidet experience.

After what Miriam politely refers to as “an accident,” I cleaned him up and settled him onto the toilet. Feeling I had earned a little comedic payback for the task at hand, I pressed a few buttons on the bidet control panel.

Three clicks.
A short pause.
And then chaos.

Noah went from space cadet mode to full DEFCON 1 as a surprise stream of warm water made its debut. For a few panicked seconds, he was certain something had gone terribly wrong. Then the fear disappeared, his face lit up, and he shouted, “WEEEEEEE!” as he launched into what can only be described as a celebratory toilet dance.

The boy was grinning ear to ear and giggling for the entire cleaning cycle.

Naturally, the next time it was my turn on cleanup duty, Noah had developed very strong opinions. He wanted to try a different setting. I calmly explained that the option he was requesting was not designed for him.

Without missing a beat, Noah gestured emphatically at himself and announced, “This! This! This!”

I nearly cried laughing.

We do not get moments like these very often. But when we do, they are priceless.

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